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Friday, 26 June 2009

Argh! Trigonometry, Alison & Accident Book

Whenever you find yourself doing anything involved with trigonometry during the development of a 3d game, a little alarm bell should sound at the back of your mind - could you accomplish your aims more elegantly and efficiently by the application of a few vector cross and dot products? usually the answer is yes, and you should dump all those mouldy old atan2()s like a hot air balloon dropping sand bags.

Make sure your inappropriate over-reliance on trigonometry is properly recorded in the office accident book, and then move on. Don't look back - a nasty little trig fairy is lurking back there, just waiting for an opportunity to trepan your canoodle with a rusty old funnel-cap.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Slings and Arrows of Financial misfortune

Today we will be looking at safeguarding your company's future in these uncertain times:

This diagram clearly shews a small dev studio admirably prepared to cope with the worst the Credit Crunch can throw at it. Provided you are able to rope the staff together tightly, you should be able to construct an overarching defensive shell - large and tough enough to shield the whole organisation from even the worst slings and arrows of outrageous financial fortune, whilst remaining sufficiently agile to cope with the most tortuous of your clients' caprices.

Saturday, 13 June 2009

Brown Paper Packages

It has been too many years since last I was presented with a brown paper package tied up with string. Games publishers have been very slow to recognise the substantial marketing opportunity afforded to them by the massive popularity of such packages - I have it on good authority that they are amongst most people's favourite things.

Instead of quibbling over retail shelf space, or gnashing their teeth over the vagaries of download sales infrastructure, publishers should really be investing in training up retailers to ensure that each game sold can reach the consumer with all the elegance and intrigue that such a package affords.

As a developer of download games, I will be mailing a sheet of brown paper, a length of string and concise instructions to all the customers who do me the honour of supplying me with their postal addresses so that they too can share in the excitement of unwrapping something properly packaged, and in that way, make their games purchasing experience complete.

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Mystical Staff

Welcome to Wildeep's secrets of the game gods. Here I will lay bare many of the deepest, darkest secrets of the games development process. Heed my words and one day you too could be numbered amongst that most divine pantheon - the Games Developers of Legend.

Oh yes.

Let us begin with the importance of Mystical Staff:

If you are planning to make a game incorporating any kind of fantasy or sci-fi element, be sure to make full use of your mystical staff - if you cannot hire any directly, then get one of your (un-mystical) designers to sketch up a mystical staff and pay particular attention to whom they depict as wielding it.

This will set you on the right path towards the mystical.